Why Isn't it Enough?

We opened the door to the pediatrician’s office, me carrying the baby seat and Betsy holding Peter. As I went to sign in at the window, I saw Betsy struggling with Peter. He desperately wanted me to hold him. When I looked down at my cute little two year old’s round face, I saw fear in his eyes.

Peter has had a fairly healthy life thus far and certainly hasn’t had any scary medical procedures done, but he had been to see the doctor just two weeks ago for a double ear infection. Apparently the visit didn’t leave him thirsting for more.

I set the baby carrier down and scooped up Peter. He had tears in his big brown eyes. Throughout the appointment he was frightened, cried on and off, and hollered if I tried to put him on the exam table. I kept telling him, “It’s OK Peter, mommy’s right here! I’m not going anywhere!” After saying that for the umpteenth time, I frustratingly thought to myself, “Why isn’t knowing I’m here enough for this kid? Doesn’t he trust me?”

Immediately, in my spirit, God asked me the same question. “Alysia, why isn’t my presence enough for you during difficult times, when you’re unsure and frightened? Don’t you trust Me?”

I found myself, still in the doctor’s office with my tearful two year old, thinking of Moses and how he responded when God told him to return to Egypt and free the Israelites from bondage. He came up with a lot of reasons why the job was too big for him, and God’s response was, “I’m going with you!”

The more I thought about it, the more I realized how often God’s presence is our provision. Remember when Joshua had taken over the leadership of Israel after the death of Moses? He was to be the appointed one to actually enter the promised land and begin the daunting task of occupying it as God had foretold. The inhabitants of the land were fierce, with advanced weapons and fortified cities. God admonished Joshua, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of a good courage! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)

After I got back home, I spent some time looking. You’ll find God promising his presence to Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, Gideon and others. He asked big and difficult things of them, but He assured them that He was going with them. His presence was the peace, power, and protection they needed.

So…why isn’t it enough for me sometimes?

I’m left with the sad realization that I don’t trust Him. I want to…on some level I do…but when it comes to the hard things in life I prefer to take the reigns myself. I believe I can control myself and sometimes my circumstances. I might not like the outcome if I leave it up to someone else. My mom always said, “If you want something done right, you better do it yourself.” I guess I’ve adopted more of her philosophy than I’d thought.

Well, sometimes we find ourselves at a point in life where we, despite our best efforts, are hopelessly out of control. I’m definitely there. And I’m stressed.

Proverbs 3:5 says, “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight.”

I can imagine Jesus wanting to hold me close and telling me He’s with me…asking me to trust Him, just like I wanted Peter to trust me in the doctor’s office. He wants his presence to be enough for me. He wants me to quit looking at my circumstances and fix my eyes upon Him.

As a matter of fact, Jesus’ last recorded words on earth, after giving his disciples a pretty big assignment, was the promise of His presence, “And lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” (Mt 28:20)

Lord, I know your presence is enough. Help me to stop struggling, climb onto the exam table, lean back into your arms…and trust.