A Preemptive Strike

I wrote this awhile ago, and it's written from the perspective of a homeschool mom, but I think any parent can relate!

A Preemptive Strike

I’m not sure the word preemptive was really a part of my vocabulary before the war in Iraq. Now, however, I’ve heard the media use the word so many times that I’ve subconsciously made it part of my vocabulary. As a matter of fact, it’s become one of my favorite words. President Bush’s decision to war with Iraq before they could strike at us or our allies continues to be controversial, but I believe a valuable lesson lies here for us as homeschoolers.

A preemptive strike to our schools may be just the key for every homeschooling mother out there. We must strike first before they are able, and you know they are quick! It will take some forethought on our part and a little planning, but in the end we can sit back and know that we dealt the first blow.

Let’s start with preparing our homeschool room for the start of the school year. I know not everyone has the space to actually have a whole room designated for their school, but I think the principles that will be suggested are easily adaptable.

One of the first things we must think about is equipping our schools with adequate supplies. Once the 4th of July is past, you know the retailers are going to begin running their “Back to School” ads. I choose to ignore the first several weeks of these, putting my sanity first at the risk of missing some great deal on ball-point pens. Eventually, however, as August approaches, I start to peruse the weekly ads. Look for the stores offering the box of pencils for 2 cents, the washable markers for $1.99, and the spiral notebooks for a dime. I usually find myself dashing off to several stores to get the best bargains during a weekend afternoon. Be sure to mentally prepare yourself for when you arrive back home because the older children will have used up any computer or video time allotted to them in your absence and the little ones will be awakening from their naps. Of course, dinner will need prepared soon after you get your foot in the door with your packages so you don’t have long to make your first preemptive strike!

Step number 1: Remove the pencils from the boxes and throw all but three into the trash can. They are all going to come up missing within the first week or two of school. This way at least you’ll know what’s happened to them. Take two of the remaining pencils and sharpen them to a fine point. Then break the lead out completely and chew off the eraser. Place these two pencils in your school room to be shared by your four children. If you are only schooling two children it will be necessary to only keep one pencil for them, and be sure it gets sharpened till it is only 2 ½ inches in length. Finally, take the remaining pencil, sharpen it and toss it in the crib with the baby. After all, you know that the baby will be the only one in the entire household to be able to consistently find a sharpened pencil. Strike first! Just give it to him.

Step number 2: Take your electric pencil sharpener and jam something down into it until it is either clogged beyond use or the motor burns up. If you don’t have an electricl sharpener, consider purchasing one and then begin step two from the beginning. If you only have the small hand-held sharpeners, just throw them all away. They will end up missing-in-action soon, it’s best you make the first move.

Step number 3: Open all the large pink erasers you’ve purchased. Hide several in the deep crevices of the couch and easy chair. Throw a few into your son’s LEGO collection, one into the recesses of the hall closet, open the lid of your printer and drop one in, and finally throw one in the guest toilet for good measure. Keep one and see if you can get it to break, or better yet, crumble into pieces too small to be usable. I know it’s a lot of work, but keep pace! Remember, it’s your sanity that’s at stake.

Step number 4: Remove the lids from all the markers you purchased. Scatter the lids over the floor and desk top. Leave this way for at least 2-3 days until they are adequately dried out and then just pitch in the trash. Oh, I almost forgot something very important!! Before this step is complete you’ll need to take out all the new curriculum you purchased for the children. Lay the crisp, new workbooks, literature guides and big expensive text books on the floor. Invite all the children in the home ages three and down into the room to color with the new markers.

With this success behind you, find your “To-do” list and relish in crossing out “purchase school supplies.” I’d say sit back and enjoy the moment, but remember, they’re waiting for dinner.